Thursday, May 15, 2014

Man Rules: Who Knew? ~ Thursday May 15, 2014

I don't mean to be obtuse, but, I never knew that men came with rules. Did you? I mean, really! They never read instructions or ask for directions, so how were we supposed to know that they had RULES ~ ferchrist'ssake! Now, you have to know, girlfriend, I didn't write this, but I had a serious laugh over it!!

I can only assume that this insurgency is a direct result of a lapse between sports events. Our current schedule is filled only  with late into the night hockey and basketball playoffs. Baseball and football are in the offing, allowing some men the illusion that they have the time and intellectual prowess to compile a list of rules for women ~ for WOMEN!! Can you even believe it? I have often thought that men were all members of a suicide pact, but this proves it...without a shadow of a doubt.

But, worry not, Ladies, this list is a little like the Holy Grail. It will disappear along with all the Christmas toy assembly instructions for bicycles, trampolines, motor scooters, Little Miss Kitchens....well, you have your own long list.

So, grab your coffee and box of chocolates. I would give credit where credit is due to the poor fool who wrote this, but I don't know who he is or where he is...probably in his underground bunker somewhere, with a serious lack of oxygen since he didn't read the instructions on that either. Makes me feel a wee sorry for the bastards. They have no idea what is in store for them.


MAN RULES
AT LAST A GUY HAS TAKEN THE TIME TO WRITE THIS ALL DOWN
FINALLY, the guys' side of the story. ( I MUST ADMIT, IT'S PRETTY GOOD.)
...

WE ALWAYS HEAR 'THE RULES' FROM THE FEMALE SIDE
NOW HERE ARE THE RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE

THESE ARE OUR RULES!

PLEASE NOTE. THESE ARE ALL NUMBERED #1 ON PURPOSE!

1. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS.

1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. YOU'RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN. WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN. YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.

1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.

1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:

SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!
STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!
OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!
JUST SAY IT!

1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.

1.. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO. SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.

1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT. IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.

1. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE. DON'T ASK US.

1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE.

1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE. NOT BOTH.
IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF.

1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS.

1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE...

1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS..
PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.

1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY 'NOTHING,' WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG. WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE.

1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR..

1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE...REALLY.

1.. DON'T ASK US WHAT WE'RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS FOOTBALL OR MOTOR SPORTS.

1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.

1 .. YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.

1. I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS A SHAPE!

1.. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS. YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT.. BUT DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON'T MIND THAT? IT'S LIKE CAMPING...

PASS THIS TO AS MANY MEN AS YOU CAN - TO GIVE THEM A LAUGH...

PASS THIS TO AS MANY WOMEN AS YOU CAN - TO GIVE THEM A BIGGER LAUGH, BECAUSE ITS TRUE!





Why are women like a hurricane?
 
Because when we arrive, we are wet and wild
and
When we leave, we take your house, your car, your kids and all yo' money


Scorched earth, ladies, scorched earth


Your Comments Encourage
Thank you


 

4 comments :

  1. I feel depressed living my life as a man after reading those rules. It may be because I'm gay I see women and especially men in different ways. There are no set rules or boundries when a person desires to communicate. That's what makes people interesting and attractive, the always unknown to every situation and the growth of love between two persons.

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  2. A lot of that stuff is true, and yes, I've told my girlfriend of 9 yrs that she was wrong, regardless of the consequences -- and I slept in the same bed. I'm not misogynistic, but I a guy who doesn't take any shit, even if it meant being put in the doghouse. So, yes, that is me. Especially the mind-reader part.

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  3. Some of this is certainly true, and of-course I do believe it somewhat varies between men. I certainly am a firm believer in honesty, but not brutality... as in brutally honest. I think in a relationship, both should meet in the middle, if possible. Thanks for sharing this, and have a wonderful day sweet soul. I for one know what the color Mauve is, and I'm straight! :P

    Tim

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